Plan C
by djgirl911
Summary: Mistakes reap consequences. Sometimes they're not all bad.
1. Chapter 1

The first time this had happened. She had run to her father.

She'd known what she had to do, what she was supposed to do, but she had to hear him say it, because her father was her saving grace, a man who had never steered her wrong.

His answer to the question was simple, "Do you love him?"

As Alicia threw the test into the trash, barely aware of the fact that her hands were shaking, she felt a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had no one to run to this time, no one who could possibly know the circumstance she had gotten herself in to, no saving grace, no logical answer to one of the most difficult questions she had ever had to face.

But she still, without a doubt, knew what she had to do.

Grabbing the bin bag from the trash she disposed of the evidence, something she planned to do in every which way. She took a deep breath and choked back her tears. Dabbed at her eyes in the mirror. Smoothed her hair in place. Practiced her fake smile. Suppressed the bile rising in her throat.

Just another day pretending that everything was as it should be. She had perfected the art of pretending.

She couldn't shake the feeling that she was cursed.

Alicia climbed into her car to head off to work, still suppressing impending tears. Subconsciously, she'd suspected it. But it had been too easy to tell herself that it was just stress from work and from her personal life that caused her to be late. Because she was too old. Because she already had two children, who were both teenagers. Because she was married, and had just started her professional life again and was in the midst of an affair with her boss and had far far too many things to worry about.

But fate was a bitch, who had christened Alicia her new favorite toy, and so after the unsettling nightmare she'd had about Grace the night before, she'd succumbed to the voice of doubt in the back of her head. The one telling her to that something unpleasant was looming in the distance, that the storm was about to catch her unaware. She'd probably worried Grace with her insistence that she be careful, and she knew both her and Zach thought she was too over protective. An octopus clinging to a rock they called her. She was acutely aware that once again, she had failed to protect her children.

How could she protect her children when she was the one being distracted, when she was the one ignoring the consequences of her actions?

Time to terminate those distractions.

Alicia steeled herself and started her car, vowing that she wouldn't think about any more. Because by the end of the day it wouldn't matter, she would have an appointment and the problem would be taken care of. Quick and without fuss. Sweeping dust under the carpet.

It was easy to avoid Will that day. She knew she wouldn't be able to face him, not without having some sort of breakdown. And Alicia Florrick, the politician's wife, the faithful woman, did not have breakdowns. There were always too many eyes on her.

No one expected a saint to have a breakdown.

So she busied herself by concentrating on arbitration with Caitlin. She liked Caitlin. Caitlin took her mind off the mess her life had become and reminded Alicia of an easier time, when Alicia had been young and hungry, a sailor attempting to gain her sea legs, unprepared for what the world had in store for her.

She even took Canning's surprise appearance with grace, determined to continue her façade, to not reveal to anyone the cracks in her exterior.

Nobody else noticed that her laugh was just a bit too high or that she always seemed to be swallowing back something on the tip of her tongue, or that far from the fiery feisty woman she knew she was capable of being, she was in a dark mood, her mind entertaining dark thoughts.

Darkness you know, is relative.

She went home, still playing the pretend game, consulted with her daughter on help with the case, and promised her that she would get rid of her distractions. She booked the appointment.

Then the storm hit.

Alicia's breath caught in her throat and panic seized her as she scrolled through the missed calls her daughter had left her. Everything else, Canning and her problems, became white noise.

"I have to go".

"Mrs Florrick, listen to me, I'll take you".

It was good to know she wasn't alone.

She prayed, for the first time in years. She wanted to believe in something bigger than herself, something that could bring her daughter home to her. And as tears streamed down her face that same voice at the back of her head that had been plaguing her for weeks now whispered that this was karmic retribution.

She didn't, couldn't answer Will's call. She asked that Canning take her back to her house and she did the only thing she could. She waited.

Hearing Grace call her prompted her to run straight to the door and in to her daughter's arms. She grasped her daughter and was unable to suppress the tears that had been threatening to break free all day.

When you become a parent, your world tilts. Your wants and desires are no longer what are important in the world. And Alicia, in that single moment knew without a doubt that that applied to the life inside her as well.

And so the next day, her loss to Canning was far from her mind. She counted every step towards Will's office. With every step she doubted herself more and more.

But after all he had done for her, she owed at least this much to Will. He deserved the chance to know. He deserved much more than what she gave him, but she would give him the chance to know.

Will stood up as she entered, and she knew that once more he would try to be understanding towards her. That he would try to reach out to her.

He always tried _so_ hard.

It occurred to her that she was the one with the issues.

She attempted a smile.

"It seems like I haven't seen you in a while".

"I know".

"I heard everything's good with your daughter".

"Yes, thank you".

Calm. Curt. Polite.

The calm before the storm.

She looked down, unable to face him.

"Will?"

A pause. A look of resignation.

"Yes?"

She finally met his eyes, tears brimming, head shaking, scared beyond belief and finally said the words to both him and herself.

"I'm pregnant".


	2. Chapter 2

When Will Gardner met Alicia Florrick in Georgetown he fell in love with her, and being young, idealistic and starry eyed, he thought he would spend the rest of his life with her.

Because when you experience love like that, untainted and untested by the world's hardships, you would think that nothing else would matter. When the mere thought of somebody made you smile, and when somebody's influence made you want to be a better person, and when you are absolutely stricken by the passion and resilience of that person, and the feelings that person evoked in you overwhelmed you to the point that you could hardly breathe…you would think that the little things wouldn't matter.

You would think.

But as it turned out, little things like missed opportunities and bad timing, mattered very much.

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" he'd read in his high school English textbook.

What a load of bull.

All the memories of Alicia Florrick- the fierce glint in her eyes as she ripped into the opposition in moot court. Her peals of laughter that automatically made his heart lift. The way she approached everything with a care and fervor that he could only ever hope to have- turned bittersweet, and left a sour after taste in his mouth whenever he thought of them.

So he didn't think of them, and Will moved on with his life. Graduated, met other women, left other women, climbed up the professional ladder and only ever heard about Alicia Florrick from news segments, word of mouth and obligatory get-togethers. He'd outgrown foolish ideals, learnt to manipulate the facts till they suited him and chose his ever growing career over any semblance of a personal life.

But god help him, he never fell out of love with Alicia Florrick.

Never _truly_ moved on.

It was like he had a shotgun in his mouth with his finger on the trigger, and he liked the taste of the bullet.

And so, with Alicia standing in front of him, tears streaming down her face, stating the two words that every man, at some point or other in life, dreaded to hear, he did the only thing he could think of at that moment. Demoted once more to a man whose only concern was the pain and anguish of the woman he loved, he hugged Alicia, silently letting her break down in his arms.

Will's mind was blank. His chest had tightened and there was a tension in his body he had never felt before, but his mind was completely void of emotion.

_I'm pregnant._

To say he was in shock would be an understatement.

"I'm sorry" she whispered into his neck "I'm sorry". Alicia sobbed in to his shoulder, and the weight of it all catching up with her, she sagged in to his arms.

Will moved her on to the couch, still holding her, and she curled up in to his side, still in hysterics. Will's mind was numb, but in the face of Alicia's tears he knew he couldn't allow himself to breakdown.

"Calm down" he murmured "Just calm down", he stroked her hair and held her tight, feeling utterly useless as he waited for her sobs to subside.

It felt like hours before he felt her breath slow and heard her sobs turn to sniffles, and all the while he couldn't let go of her.

Alicia hiccupped and finally fixed her bloodshot eyes on his.

"I can't...I just can't hold it together anymore, Will for god's sake please say something".

_I love you. I love you and we will make it through this._

Would be the words to make her bolt.

He heard himself begin speaking, the words coming out of his mouth by their own accord.

"Are you… are you sure? Did you...did you go see a doctor?" Safe territory. No whirlwind emotions and heartfelt declarations that he'd wished he'd thought twice about.

_Where do we go from here? _He really wanted to say_. Are you going to go through with this? Can I go through with this? What does this mean for us?_

_Are you honestly telling me that I'm going to become a father?_

When it came to Alicia, he could not deny that he could be a coward.

"No…I only found out two days ago…but I'm sure…and I hadn't planned on…I wasn't going to…". Alicia took a deep breath and attempted to sit up straight.

Always trying to save face.

"I thought you deserved the right to know. I'm not entirely sure what happens after this, where I can possibly go from here, but I thought you should know". Alicia sniffed and turned forward so that she was no longer facing him. "I was absolutely hell bent on…terminating. But after what happened with Grace, I realized that I couldn't do it".

She turned to face him again, with fresh tears in her eyes. "I loved my children the second that I knew about them. In the face of all that's happened they've been all that's good in my life. And I _know _this baby will be the same. Something good in the face of all that's happened. Even if it means…".

Will grasped Alicia's hands, stroking them. "Alicia…you can't get rid of the baby". _When had he decided on his resolve? _

_"_You have to give this a chance. What happens, happens for a reason and we _will_ get through this. I know it's" he snorted disdainfully at what he was about to say "Bad timing. And the crappiest of situations possible". He cupped her face with his hands. "But this is a _baby. _This…completely innocent life that knows nothing about this shit storm we've gotten ourselves in to. This will be the hardest thing we've ever had to do, no court case could possibly match up to this, but we will do it _together. _This is something worth fighting for, something worth struggling for_". _

_When had he decided on all this?_

"What do you want?" Kalinda had asked him.

"Something more than work".

Alicia fell back on the couch her eyes closed. "We can never catch a break can we?" "Fate just enjoys toying with us too much". She opened her eyes again, desperation in them he had never seen before.

"What do we do?"

Will stood, taking a deep breath before he spoke.

"To hell with bad timing. We talk".

_We get through this._


	3. Chapter 3

Alicia sat at her desk, staring at the piles of paper cluttering the space in front of her. She'd practically run out of Will's office after their encounter, unable to think about their…_situation_ anymore.

Except of course for the fact that she couldn't possibly stop thinking about it, and was unable to get it off her mind. That she couldn't possibly just return to her sleek, polished office and try to resume her work day, try to resume her _life_ as though things could ever be normal again.

Normal was subjective.

Alicia glared at the documents sitting on her desk, which only days before had been the centre of her attention. Her client's problems seemed so menial now.

Alicia turned her chair away from her desk, staring at the blank wall in front of her.

Will had held her. In the biggest gesture he had ever done, he simply held her, allowed her to fall apart in his arms.

She didn't want to think about how warm that made her feel.

She closed her eyes. She remembered the resolution on Will's face when he said they should talk. The determination on Will's face when he said they would go through this together, that he wanted the baby. She'd agreed to go talk with him at night when most of the employees had left for the day and there weren't so many eyes watching. Judging.

She couldn't remember being so scared about anything, ever.

She'd avoided this talk. Rebuffed Will's attempts at talking when he let slip _I love you_ over the phone. Shot down the question of whether or not he would meet their children.

Hadn't thought twice about booking an appointment to terminate the baby.

But now she was thinking twice. And Will was no longer being tentative about wanting to talk; he had laid it down as the only option. Alicia couldn't avoid the talk anymore.

She took a deep breath, turned around, and picked up a pen, determined to push on till the end of the day.

Not that it would matter whether or not she used her billable hours to prolong the time before the inevitable talk. She didn't have court or any meetings today. Any obligations.

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.

Their encounter had left Will in an equal amount of turmoil. He'd returned to the same armchair he'd sat in only minutes before, maintained the same position-only it wasn't the same it wasn't the same at all.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

And he couldn't decipher if that was a good thing or a bad.

_Alicia's pregnant. With my baby. Alicia and I are going to have a baby._

Maybe if he admitted the situation to himself point by point, he wouldn't feel quite so blindsided.

_Alicia's pregnant. When she already has kids. And a husband. _

Fuck.

Will was pulled out of his musings be the sound of his door opening and closing, and the click of heels as Diane walked in. Without preamble, she sat across from him and handed him a glass of scotch.

"You did the right thing".

Will stared at her blankly, the implication of her words not registering.

Oh._ Oh_

Oh Crap.

Of course Diane had noticed their encounter, what didn't Diane notice?

Diane couldn't know, not yet. Overwhelmed as Will was with the repercussions on his personal life, he'd forgotten to truly consider the repercussions on his professional life.

Alicia was his employee.

He'd knocked up his employee.

Who was the wife of the State's Attorney. Who had him under investigation.

So much for said investigation going away quietly.

Once again Will's self-deprecating thoughts were disturbed by Diane.

"She'll get over it".

Will clenched his fingers tight around his glass, and for lack of anything better to say simply said

"Yup. She will".

_I hope someday you will Diane._

Will threw back his glass in one go.

They were well past the acceptable time for burning the midnight oil when Alicia went to Will's office for the second time that day.

She'd prepared herself mentally for this-somewhat, anyway.

No more crying. No more breakdowns.

No more avoidance.

Because if the coming months would be anything like she imagined, she have to put an end to those three right now.

Alicia took a deep breath (and thought she had taken too many that day) and entered Will's office.

He was standing and turned to her and attempted a smile.

"Hey"

He was holding a glass of scotch and Alicia imagined that it wasn't his first of the day.

"Hey" Alicia said as she moved to the couch.

Will sat across from her somewhat awkwardly, and for a couple of seconds they sat in a silence full of loud implications.

Will was the first to break it.

"Alicia…I've already said most of what I wanted to before…I, I think this is something worth struggling for". Will stood up unable to sit.

He'd spent the entire day trying to construct the most important closing argument of his life.

"I want this baby, Leesh I do". Her nickname from Georgetown slipped out with ease. "Before you came to me today, I already wanted to talk. I wanted to tell you that I was ready for a commitment. I've…"

Every part of Will screamed in protest at what he was about to say.

"…Loved you ever since Georgetown. And I know you need a plan, especially now. And I know that out every scenario we envisioned we never ever planned for this to happen".

Will crouched down in front of Alicia in a gesture that was oddly romantic despite the severity of the situation. He took her hands in his.

"We take this step by step. We book a doctor's appointment for as soon as possible. And…I want to be with you Alicia. I'm determined to have this child with you but I want to _be_ with you. I want…to spend time with you out of the bedroom. I want that dinner you promised me and hundreds of others after that. I want to meet your kids. I want to be with you, and not just as the father of your baby. I know this is too much and it's too sudden and we have so much shit that's going to get in the way".

Work. Peter. The investigation. Peter. The media.

Peter.

"But I'll wait for as long as you need. I've been waiting since Georgetown".

Alicia had sat silently throughout the entire speech, a thousand thoughts flitting through her mind. None of which she could put in to words.

Finally she spoke, and she had not expected what she was about to say.

"I'm divorcing Peter. I can't possibly stay with him now and…I'm just not _happy_ with him anymore".

She met Will's eyes, her own surprisingly free of tears.

"We need to this…one step at a time".

She pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes.

"This isn't the way I wanted things to happen".

"I know" Will whispered as he kissed her "But it's the way things are. Everything happens for a reason".

Time to make a new plan.


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia Florrick was a lawyer.

And being a lawyer meant donning a well tailored designer suit as an armor of sorts, being vivacious and well spoken, possessing an intransigent mind, and above all, always being prepared for any situation.

Leaning over a toilet bowl, for what she knew would be the first of many mornings, Alicia did not particularly feel any of those things.

"Mom? Are you alright?" she heard her son shout from across the hall.

She stood up on shaky legs and moved towards the sink before answering.

"Fine Honey, just a little…under the weather". The lie coming out of her mouth tasted every bit as bitter as the bile prior, but at the moment it was a necessary evil.

Nowadays, she lies more than she used to.

Alicia scowled at herself in the mirror as she attempted to fix her hair. She'd been cooking breakfast for Zach and Grace when the smell of the eggs had hit her causing her stomach to turn, and she'd ran to the bathroom in an effort to preserve her dignity. She'd been hoping that the morning sickness would not be as frequent during her third pregnancy, seeing as it had only happened a couple of times before this, but her sorely missed friend seemed to have come full force and with a vengeance.

And in record time as well, because it was also the day of the long awaited doctor's appointment.

Or at least, it had felt like a long wait. The appointment was a milestone. Alicia would find out how far along she was and when she was due, as well as any other relevant information. For some unknown reason, she'd felt like she needed that information before she could allow her life to turn in to turmoil. She'd delayed it all-the talk with Peter, with her children, with the whole world.

But as much as she delayed, she knew time would not.

Alicia walked out of her bathroom to attempt to finish breakfast with her children.

Knee deep in to a murder case with Diane, Alicia had little time for brooding at the beginning of the day. Of course, that changed when she had to excuse herself from court to take a call from the headmistress of Capstone. She'd been sweet on the idea that Peter was the State's Attorney, a card Alicia had played out of desperation. And of course following that was the obligatory call to Peter, to explain the situation. The conversation had been short and generic-but it was also the first conversation Alicia ha shared with Peter since she'd become aware of her situation. She was delaying her request for a divorce not out of regret or hope for an alternate route, but because this, she would do right. While she knew the end of their marriage would be neither easy nor peaceful, she wanted it done with as much dignity and respect as she could, not for Peter's sake but for the sake of her children.

Also, it scared her, just a little, that she did not regret this turn of events.

She was pulled out of her musings by Diane approaching her in the hallway.

Alicia was waiting for Will in his office, and he started when he almost walked in to her. Waving away his assistant, he closed the door and walked over to Alicia.

They hadn't met or talked properly since the night they agreed to take things slowly together, as they had both gotten swept away in separate cases, as a result, the air between them was slightly tense.

Alicia offered a nervous smile and starting speaking first "The doctor's appointment".

"Is today" Will finished looking, a little excited despite himself. "My schedules cleared, I'll drive us".

Will leaned back on to his desk and reached out to squeeze Alicia's hand, breaking the tension between them. "Sorry I haven't seen you in a while".

"The life of a lawyer is never their own" Alicia answered, squeezing his hand back.

Will now gave her a genuine smile. "It's the start of things Alicia, this appointment marks the beginning". He stopped himself from saying "Of the rest of our lives". He refused to scare her off.

Alicia returned his smile. "We need to leave at six".

The kids were getting ready to leave to go to Peter's house for the weekend. She tried to keep the chatter between her and Peter at a minimum to soothe her nerves. She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore.

Will arrived fifteen minutes after the children had left. There was an awkward silence between them throughout the drive to the doctor which they both hated but could not dispel. This was a step. And that was nerve wracking.

"Dr Montgomery is supposedly one of the best" Alicia informed Will, as they sat in the empty waiting room "But this is my first time with her". Alicia had been handed a stack of papers by the receptionist which she was now filling out.

Will nodded absently while staring in to space. He had never, in his entire life, imagined he would be waiting for an OB/GYN, especially under the present circumstances.

He was about to say something when the door leading to the examination rooms opened and a young blond male nurse stepped in to the waiting room.

"Mrs Florrick?"

Alicia and Will both stood.

"The doctor will be seeing you now".

Silently they followed him through the labyrinth of hallways to a small examination room in the rear of the medical facility.

They stepped inside the tiny space and once Alicia caught sight of the table, the stirrups, the paper gown and the speculum she whipped around with her arms outstretched.

"No!"

Will almost ran in to her, startled.

"This part I'm doing alone, I'd rather preserve some intimacy in our relationship" Alicia stated resolutely. She knew that amidst everything that was happening it was an unbelievably idiotic thing to worry about, but Will being with her during a pelvic exam was an experience best avoided.

She caught the nurse trying to hide a smile from the corner of her eye.

Will's face stretched in to a smile and his eyebrows shot up. "You don't think I'm going to see that and a hell of a lot more when you _deliver _the baby?"

"They're going to weigh me" Alicia deadpanned "That's sacred. I still have some dignity to preserve. You'll get called back in for the sonogram".

Will left the exam room laughing and Alicia smiled slightly despite herself, happy to bring some humor in to the tense atmosphere.

Alicia changed in to the paper gown and after a few minutes there was a subtle knock on the door. A tall red headed woman whom she assumed was Dr Montgomery strode in confidently holding a clipboard.

She introduced herself and then turned her attention towards the clipboard.

"I understand that you're pregnant"

"Yes"

"And I assume that you've taken at least one test"

"Yes-eight"

"Eight!" Dr Montgomery gave a short laugh. "Well, then I guess it's safe to assume at least one of them was accurate."

Alicia knew the moment the name and face clicked with the doctor, as she seemed to survey Alicia with a newly found interest.

She set the folder aside and leaned back on the counter. "Listen, Alicia, I realize you don't know me, but I can assure you I'm a professional—and someone you can trust. I'm not here to judge you or lecture you or anything else you might be worrying about unnecessarily. My job is strictly to make sure you and your baby stay healthy through the months ahead."

Alicia smiled at the doctor, an immediate appreciation for her having developed. "Thank you, I truly appreciate that".

After the necessary examinations had been taken care of, Alicia was asked to lie back on the table and Will was called in. He entered the examination and stood by Alicia, looking slightly apprehensive. On a whim, as he had done before, she reached out to squeeze his hand.

When the jelly was rubbed on to her stomach, the only thought running through Alicia's mind was that the last time she had done this was _fourteen _years ago.

The change in situation was almost laughable.

As the doctor began the ultrasound she felt Will lean forward slightly.

After a couple of minutes the doctor pointed at the machine "If you look closely—right here-you can see your baby's heart beat. You're about two months and a half along".

It was a moment trapped in time. That _very _moment was the first time they saw their child. Will turned to face her, the look on his face completely indescribable. His smile perpetually twists at the corner of his mouth and Alicia finds herself smiling back without so much of an afterthought. Things are natural and easy, almost as if this was a moment they've been waiting for all their lives, that this was their life together just picking right back up where they left off a decade and a half earlier. They ignore the clock ticking away their allotted time together on the wall. They ignore the harsh reality of the outside world threatening to impede on this moment that they've created amongst themselves. He kisses her as she's lying down on the table and she lets him, deciding that for just this one moment she didn't want to second guess herself, that she didn't want to have any inhibitions.

Alicia wished a lot of things.

In that moment, it was so easy to forget what was really happening, that this was just the moment before the crash landing.

Still, she couldn't help but imagine a baby boy with Will's eyes.

The doctor briefed them on all the facts. At what stage they could do an amnio if they wished, when they could find out about the sex of the baby, what prenatal vitamins Alicia would have to take and many other things Alicia was only half listening to.

Finally the doctor faced them with steely eyes.

"I know you're both lawyers and you're jobs are extremely demanding, but I cannot stress this enough. Especially considering her advanced maternal age, Alicia absolutely _must not_ experience any unnecessary stress."

_"Unnecessary" _being the key word Alicia thought to herself grimly_._

Throughout the entire time the doctor had been speaking, Will had been listening resolutely. Unsettled by just how little he knew about pregnancy-not to mention babies, but he had another six months and a half months to worry about that-Will vowed to do whatever he could for Alicia during the course of the pregnancy. He wanted to honor his statement that they would go through this together, if only to prove something to himself.

And listening to the doctor talk about the chances of losing the baby, Will was gripped with a fear he had never known before.

As he ushered Alicia to the car, both of them were silent once again, absorbed as they were with their own thoughts.

Will had decided before not to make Alicia aware of the investigation. Now, with the threat of _unnecessary stress _a constant danger he knew that decision to be the right one.

He'd never imagined himself going to prison, and now, with a family to come home to, he could never allow this investigation to come to fruition.

Engrossed as he was in his own thoughts, Will didn't notice Alicia turning to face him from the passenger seat.

"Will?"

He blinked as he was pulled out of his thoughts, and turned to face her.

"Yes?"

Alicia didn't know when she had decided on this, but she had.

Preoccupied as she had been with endings that morning, she had forgotten that there was a beginning to be found here as well.

"Do you still want to meet my kids?"


	5. Chapter 5

Alicia's eyes opened, somewhat unwillingly, as the morning sun filtered in to the room. Surveying the room around her there was a brief moment of confusion, before she registered the arms wrapped around her torso.

Maybe it had been slightly premature. Or stupid. They had a thousand issues to plough through before they could be allowed to breathe easily, and sex should have been the last thing on their mind. But her children were spending the weekend at Peter's so she would have been going home to an empty house, and she had just shared one of the most intoxicating moments of her life with Will, and had wanted nothing more than to simply continue that brief moment of unadulterated bliss. And so they had both stumbled in to Will's apartment, unable to keep their hands off each other, till they reached the bed.

After all, Alicia was already pregnant, what other possible shenanigans could they get in to?

And now here they were back in a very similar scenario.

The morning after the night before.

Alicia stretched lazily when she felt the arms around her shift and she flipped herself around to meet Will's inquisitive brown eyes

"Morning" he said simply with a peck on the lips.

"Morning" she whispered back.

Lying there, in a nest of tousled sheets, she couldn't bring herself to feel as though she had acted prematurely or stupidly. They were going to have a child together-a thought that no longer made Alicia fall in to blind panic. And if all went according to plan-or at least according to this new-fangled plan that they'd grabbed on to as a safe port in a storm-there would be many mornings to come. Not to mention late nights. And yet…

Never had a port looked more appealing.

And besides, the fact was that Alicia would eat a mosquito to satisfy her hunger for an itch. Her and Will had gone without each other for far too long,

As Will rolled over on to his back to stretch, the bed shifted beneath them and startled Alicia. The movement, the invasion, manages to drag her fully over that line between sleep and consciousness and in to reality.

Feeling playful after a long night together, Alicia wastes no time running her fingers down the front of Will's bare chest. Will catches her hand before it reaches below the covers.

"Behave" he said with a grin that said he'd really rather otherwise. He kissed her fingers. "I think breakfast is a good idea before anything else, you already missed out on dinner. Somebody has to be the responsible adult here".

It felt good to be lighthearted and joking, while they could allow themselves to be. They both knew it wouldn't last long.

"Mmmm" Alicia hummed. "In a second…Let's just lay down for a couple of seconds, before the day has to begin". Just for a couple of seconds, she wanted to postpone the day beginning.

He acquiesced to her request by pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her once more. For several minutes they simply cuddled in a comfortable silence. They luxuriated in the feeling of deep and all pervading satisfaction at a night well spent.

It was Will who broke the silence first.

"I don't know any nursery rhymes".

Alicia blinked twice unsure she had heard correctly before she turned her head slightly towards him.

"What?"

Will looked slightly embarrassed at revealing his concerns. "I know it should be the least of my worries…I've never changed a diaper or held a baby for longer than a couple of minutes. And I barely know anything about pregnancy which we have to get through first, but…I don't know. All I can think is that I don't know any nursery rhymes. How will I put it to sleep?"He looked at Alicia imploringly for an answer to what he knew was a ridiculous question.

She could never resist those eyes.

She lifted herself up, supporting herself on her elbow and met Will's gaze firmly. "We don't need any nursery rhymes. We'll read it to the Georgetown Law Journal. That'll put it to sleep right away".

The ice broke and the worry dissipated in Will's eyes as he grinned. He kissed Alicia firmly and resolutely.

"We're going to make one hell of a team as parents".

She put Will's shirt on, leaving him in nothing but his boxers, and so she takes the time to appreciate his form as he cooks them breakfast. Unfortunately, as soon as the smell hits her, she runs straight to the bathroom, any illusion of intimacy is gone. But then he's holding her hair back and holding her afterwards while they sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom and it's a different kind of intimacy.

A more comfortable kind.

"Sorry this is so hard on you" he mumbles in to her hair. Shee leans back on to his chest as she answers.

"Nothing I can't handle".

It was scary how much she'd learnt to handle.

It's a rare day off with little work to do and so it's during an atypical moment of complete relaxation in which they are both watching TV-and Alicia cannot remember the last time they had done just that-that Will cleared his throat and turned to look at her.

He was taking the initiative for starting their more difficult conversations. She was surprised by how much this pleased her all of a sudden.

Most likely because she was finally ready to reciprocate.

Will facial expression alerted her that he was exercising extra trepidation. Which meant that they could only be approaching one topic.

"About…what you said yesterday…about me meeting your kids".

"I meant it" Alicia said immediately, cutting him off. "I meant it Will, it wasn't just spur of the moment".

Well, maybe it had been a little. But it was also time.

"I need to talk to them first. This isn't going to be easy...at all. I think I should tell them we're dating first and then introduce you as my boyfriend before we announce anything else. Otherwise it will be too much too fast. But this will be difficult for them".

Alicia reached out to grasp Will's hands.

"I need you for this" she said quietly.

Will kissed her on the forehead. "I'm here".

With that thought in her mind, Alicia paced up and down her living room floor as she waited for her children to arrive the next day, Sunday evening.

She fiddled with her hands lost in thought. This would be by far the most difficult conversation she would have them-yet, at least. She knew what was still to come. This wasn't like the aftermath of Peter's scandal. Now, she was the adversary, it was her decisions and actions, and hers alone that was affecting them. And more than that, she knew in essence that she was lying to them by not telling them about her pregnancy just yet. A lie by omission but a lie nonetheless.

It was Zach who had driven them back, and so there was no need to exchange forced pleasantries with either Jackie or Peter. She ushered her children straight in to the living room, saying that she had to speak to them.

And now as they sat there staring at her, asking her what was wrong, the words got caught in her throat.

She sat down in front of them and cleared her throat.

"You know that your father and I are separated", she began with the obvious, grasping at any and every straw that could possibly soften the blow.

They both stared at her and nodded uncomprehendingly.

"We separated for many reasons" she saw Zach shift slightly at this "But one of those reasons was that we simply weren't happy together anymore".

"Are you going to get a divorce?" Grace interrupted anxiously.

Alicia paused "Yes…" she said quietly unable to withhold this from them "But that's not what I want to say".

Their faces, already having succumbed to unhappiness and disbelief, continued to stare at her, waiting for the final blow.

"I've found somebody that makes me happy" Alicia said, honesty ringing true in every one of her words. "Will makes me happy. I've been seeing him for a while now and it's getting serious". More serious than you can imagine.

"Wait, Will your boss?" Zach asked incredulously.

"Mom, that's…" Grace seemed too overwhelmed to continue her sentence.

They both stared her, barely comprehending what had been said, as if waiting for the punch line.

Sadly, she didn't have one to give.

Her children were the world to her. Including her growing child inside her. She couldn't have Will's baby while remaining married to Peter. And she couldn't envision herself growing old with Peter, when they no longer had the children keeping them together. She could no longer envision lazy Saturday mornings and afternoons with Peter.

Lazy lie-ins were of more importance than you could possibly imagine. They were moments in between time, when defenses were down and every vulnerability was exposed.

She just couldn't leave her defenses down around Peter anymore.

Both her children had said little. Zach was staring straight ahead of him, clearly blind-sided, while Grace sat silently staring at her mother as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Does Dad know?" she asked quietly.

"He…suspects" Alicia answered. "But he doesn't know to what extent…".

"Are you in love with him?" Zach interrupted regarding his mother in an attempt to gauge her reaction.

"Yes" Alicia admitted to both her children and herself, for the first time. "I'm in love with Will."

Alicia leaned forward "I'm so sorry that this is hurting you. You know I love you two and that I would do anything to protect you but its not fair, to anyone, if we continue things the way they are now. I won't be happy, your father won't be happy and eventually you won't be happy". Alicia paused, taking a deep breath.

"I want you to meet him" she blurted out. She fixated her eyes on them trying to gauge their reactions. Their stances had changed very little from uncomprehending stares. "I want to invite Will over and for you to meet him".

"Do we have a choice?" Grace muttered bitterly.

"Grace" Zach admonished silently. Although far from happy, he nodded slightly at his mother. He understood that his father had not always been good to his mother. He didn't like this, but he understood it.

He had to try and be a grown up about this.

And Alicia, as much she loathed causing her children any pain whatsoever felt as though a weight had been lifted off her chest. What had felt like her greatest secret was now out in the open and there was no way or want to take it back. She knew that there was more hurt in store for them…and she hated herself for that. But it was no use wishing things could be different.

The truth was Alicia had only ever had one true love in her life and unfortunately, it wasn't her husband


	6. Chapter 6

Being accosted at a wedding and subsequently being harassed by a suit found on ridiculous charges was not an experience Will Gardner wished to re-live.

It had caused his mood to sour. The whole, tiresome day had been a quagmire of epic proportions. Alicia had been put on the spot. The firm had been in hot water. Choosing Elsabeth as his lawyer would either culminate to him walking away clean or foregoing the birth of his first child in exchange for years in prison. But that was something he absolutely refused to dwell on.

One step at a time.

If only it were that easy.

But that was not the reason that he had been equal parts nervous and excited for the day and predicament to come to a close.

When he asked Alicia about how the conversation had gone with her children, he had received a somewhat melancholy "As good as expected", and not wanting to press her for details, he'd let the matter drop.

And so, it was with some trepidation that he stepped out of the elevator with Alicia. Until that very moment, Alicia's children had been an abstract idea. He'd met Zach fleetingly, and had no idea how this dinner with him would play out. And Grace….was a teenage girl. Foreign territory.

"It's not necessary". It had taken a herculean effort on Will's part to conceal how much that comment had stung. He was having equal difficulty in trying to dismiss the thought that if Alicia hadn't gotten pregnant, he wouldn't be with her right now, trying to move forward with their relationship.

Dangerous territory. Definitely not approaching those kinds of thoughts tonight.

Reaching the door of Alicia's apartment,Will turned to her with what he hoped was an encouraging smile as he waited for Alicia to open the door.

Alicia opened her mouth intending to say something…

And promptly threw up all over Will's shirt.

The look of absolute horror and distress on Alicia's face immediately quelled Will's look of disgust.

Apparently morning sickness did not only strike in the morning.

"Oh my god" Alicia moaned "Oh my god Will…I'm so…". Alicia grasped her stomach, unable to finish her sentence.

Will had taken his jacket off and was now gingerly attempting to peel his shirt off, concealing his disgust.

"Alicia, its fine" he said "It's not your fault". He now stood bare-chested in the middle of the hallway.

Not that it mattered much. Alicia had seen him in pretty much everything from a three-piece suit to a birthday suit

Alicia, noting this, gathered her senses and immediately moved to open the door. She walked in brusquely leaving Will trailing behind her.

"Wait in the living room; I'll get you another shirt".

Will dropped his soiled shirt on to the floor and took a seat on Alicia's couch. He stretched, closing his eyes, finally allowing himself to relax after a long day at work.

He forgot. When it rains, it pours.

Opening his eyes, he was faced with a teenage girl standing in the living room, her face a mask of horror and incredulity.

He hadn't heard her come in. Half naked was not how he imagined he would meet Grace for the first time.

No need to try and salvage a good first impression after this. Will was pretty sure any hopes of that were gone.

"MOM!" Grace hollered.

Alicia came running in to the living room, holding a shirt. After surveying the scene she froze for a second before tossing Will the shirt.

"It's not…" Alicia said.

"We weren't…" Will stammered.

"Having sex?" Grace deadpanned.

"NO!" both Will and Alicia yelped.

"My shirt got dirty." Will attempted to explain "So I had to take it off".

"Right" Grace cut off any further explanations. She seemed to be attempting to disregard Will, facing her mother as she spoke. "I heated the lasagna you made. Do you want us to set the table?"

Grace scurried out of the room as fast possible, following Alicia's nod, without a single glance at Will.

Will put the clean shirt on, choosing to disregard the fact that it was probably Peter's.

"That was…" Will started.

"She'll get over it" Alicia interjected "It was an accident. No big deal. Moving swiftly on".

Alicia's exasperated tone belied her words and Will grasped her shoulders and dropped a kiss on to her neck in an effort to comfort her.

"Relax" he murmured. "Worst case scenario, I scar them for life".

Alicia smiled weakly at that and then they both went towards the kitchen.

Alicia brought the food out on to table as Will moved to take a seat. He stopped when Zach and Grace entered the room and attempted to wipe his hands discreetly on his pants.

He hadn't done that since he was a first-year.

How could two teenagers be so intimidating?

"Zach, it's great to see you again" he said putting his hand out.

Zach returned his greeting with a half-hearted smile and shook his hand.

"It's nice to see you again. I'm glad you could come for dinner".

_I sincerely doubt that._

Grace had refrained from saying anything as they all sat down around the table and Will saw Alicia shoot her a reproving look.

Grace returned the glare defiantly.

Lovely.

There was a brief awkward silence and then Alicia began to serve everyone.

"Will, lasagna?"

"Please" Will said with a grin "It smells fantastic".

After serving everyone, Alicia placed the lasagna at the far end of the table and served herself a small portion of salad.

Zach shot her a look of concern. "Is everything all right mom?"

"Fine honey" Alicia answered easily "I just got hungry at work so I've already had something to eat".

Zach seemed to survey the table for a bit and then attempted to break the silence that had lapsed once more. "Will have you met my sister before? This is Grace".

He gestured towards her as though she'd just appeared at the table. Will smiled at the girl across from him. "We haven't been formally introduced. It's a pleasure to finally meet you Grace".

"Pleasure's all mine" Grace answered somewhat haughtily, stabbing the food on her plate. "So you're my mom's boss?"

"Grace" Alicia admonished quietly, but Will answered anyway. "Yup, your mom and I have been friends since Georgetown and we've been working together for almost three years now, your mom is great at what she does I'm lucky to have her around. Do either of you know what you want to do later on?"

"I'm interested in computer science" Zach said softly. "But I haven't really considered all my options yet".

"Law" Grace said resolutely "I've been interested in it for a while now".

"Being a lawyer is tough" Will stated. "The law almost never bends to your will and so cases depend entirely on the skills of the have to have nerves of steel, and you have to be able to look at all aspects of a situation. A lot of the time you're put in situations you're not happy with and you have to learn to work with that. You can't be intimidated by an opposing force, you need to read between the lines and get the correct impression of things. You can't allow yourself to be confused by either good news or bad news. What matters is what's best for the client, personal feelings aside. And deducing and judging somebody by the facts is all that matters. Some people spend years trying to perfect that art, others are born with it. "

"I can do it" Grace said indignantly "I'm perfectly capable of…" she trailed off as she seemed to fully register what Will was saying, before she stuck her chin up and repeated what she had said before, meeting Will's eyes for the first time that evening.

The fire in them had nothing to do with Peter's genetics and that made a grin break out on Will's face.

Zach and Alicia's eyes went back and forth between Will and Grace as though watching a tennis match.

"I hope so " Will said affably "I really do". He turned to Alicia "The lasagna is amazing by the way".

The ice seemed to have broken, and conversation picked up naturally. The topics were of school, work…everything was frighteningly domestic.

When Will departed that evening Grace shot him a hesitant smile, and Will returned it with a wink.

One step at a time.


End file.
